Will & Harper: Forever Friends

Watching Will & Harper was less of an anticipatory education in transitions, and more of an example of what it means to love.

Harper Steele is brilliant. Funny. Capable. Smart. Harper Steele was also terrified. Terrified to witness, to come out, to be so vulnerable. What was meant to be a story about Trans identities and how to navigate those spaces, more-so became a lesson in love. Loving yourself. Loving each other.

Will Ferrell shocked me for how thoughtful and sensitive he could be. Most of us think of the celebrity, the comic, and how shocking and provocative his public persona seems. However, when it came to Harper and really opening up, Will showed us a side we’ve rarely seen. (This is a reminder that we don’t know celebrities. We only know what they want for us to know.) In Will joining Harper on this journey of a cross-country road trip to uncover who she really is in the spaces she’s always adored, he unknowingly sets the tone for what is to be the most compassionate, honest exchange between two humans I’ve seen in years.

Harper’s courageousness as a trans-woman paired with Will’s vulnerability as a white cis man makes for an interesting, engaging, and informative dynamic - one that, honestly, I did not expect to witness. Despite my expectations, Will & Harper delivered the audience into a state of exploring humanity in which we haven’t felt in quite some time.

Division seems to be all we have known in the last decade. Society promotes the divide, and there’s been very little to bring us all together in recent times. There’s been such an emphasis on right and wrong, black and white, unforgiving perfection. With Will and Harper, there was room for error. There was room for questions. There was room for mistakes. There was room for the unknown. Because as Harper put it, “[You can ask me anything because] I know your intentions.” Harper had enough faith in Will to allow him to explore her new identity with her. Will had enough bravery to go deeper emotionally than most men ever do in relationships. And then, magic happened. We as the human race need more of this magic.

At one point, Harper reviews her childhood photos and describes the feelings she felt as a child during a stop to her sister’s house, located in her hometown. In that moment, tears welled up into the corners of my eyes. Harper felt so free in that moment, but also simultaneously discomfort oozed from her aura. Yet, she kept onward. It shortly after dawned on me that Will was just sitting there, listening. Will was looking at the photos with her, allowing her to have that moment and that space to process what little Harper had felt for so long. It landed on my chest like a ton of bricks, the feelings. To have a friend that just wants to witness you in your journey of becoming, in your journey of loving yourself, is all any of us have ever wanted. Having a friend who loves us enough to witness us loving ourselves is truly one of the ultimate gifts in being human. And for Will to be able, willing, and happy to do it caused me to think about my own life and my own struggle in learning to love myself. Who was there, witnessing for me? Who was there, ready and waiting to love me loving myself? Who is there filling that role for me now? Tugging at my heartstrings with inspired swirling feelings and desires of my own, Will was there, just listening to Harper’s story. Listening. Learning. Loving.

Harper read her journals to Will on many parts of the trip, and he listened. He asked questions with curiosity. He held her when she needed to be held. He helped her when she struggled. Most importantly, he held space for her in this moment of her learning to love herself.

Harper’s story is definitely an LGBTQ+ story. It is also so much more. The beauty of the nuance of loving yourself in the face of adversity, but also doing so in the arms of a safe loved one is so significant. Having a community is more than important; it is vital to our survival. The quality of our community determines how far we can go in this life. Growth doesn’t happen in isolation, nor does it emerge in comfort. Our friends are the foundations of everything.

By the end, Harper recognizes that the only way through is embracing authenticity and living in her truth, however painful or scary it may be. Will recognizes that he was unaware of the depth of Harper’s pain, and that being a good friend means so much more than words. Ultimately, both people grew more in their heart-spaces on this adventure across America. They laughed, they learned, they loved. What Will and Harper have is essentially what all of us desire before the end. In the words of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, “To be a thing is to know a thing,” and there’s no doubt that Will and Harper knew love on this journey, and what it means to be a true friend.

I cannot recommend this documentary enough. I know it seems like a review, and it partially is - but I think for my own ambition to explore myself through this tale of love and friendship today was relevant to my own journey. To witness and feel this pain, love, devotion, courage, and laughter between them was in some way transformative to my own self-love path. It was a reminder of gratitude for those very few who are there, witnessing me loving myself and loving that for me. It was a reminder to have faith in humanity. Sometimes we get it wrong. We get it wrong a hell of a lot, actually. But the times we get it right, that it feels so good - those are the times that make this venture of living and breathing all worth while.