The Smiling Inner Child

Each of us has an inner child. A bright, unbothered, exuberant, and eager child. To the child, everything is new; everything is touched with magic. There are no rules that can’t be broken, because the rules are just suggestions to anybody with the wisdom to know their innermost selves. Our inner child speaks to us constantly, mostly longing to fill the gaps of time with excitement, impulse, and a little bit of candy. The inner child is wise, especially when it comes to the notion of play, exploration, and the ability to live resolutely carefree.

As adults, one of the first things that we learn is that we must quell this inner child, tame it into something socially appropriate. Never to give in to a childish impulse; never to do anything nonsensically on a whim. Essentially, a life with much less logic. How on earth would we ever survive?

Today was my first peaceful day in a few weeks. The morning was slow, and that was an unexpected pleasantry. The day blessed me the opportunity to catch up with both of my children in a meaningful, thoughtful manner. I also had a massage, where the overhead speaker glitched - instead of playing Buddhist flute music, the player boomed with the sound of bluegrass folk. Thankfully, the masseuse and I both had a hearty laugh, which eased some of my trepidation. Afterward, I got to go shopping alone for the first time in ages in one of my favorite stores: Target. Instead of hustling and bustling as I normally do because I’m in a hurry, I got to leisurely stroll the aisles scouting out every clearance end cap. It was absolutely glorious. Sometimes we underestimate the value of stimulating our brain with all of the bright colors, diverse textures, and low price tags that box stores have to offer.

Once I left Target it was time to eat lunch. Since I have transitioned to being gluten free these last three plus years, it’s a rarity that I am able to have any fried foods. My husband had treated me to some gluten free chicken strips the night before, and the helping was so big that I had to separate it into three meals. The second meal became my lunch.

As I sat at the kitchen table, my body started doing the wiggles. You know, the ones you did when you were young when everything was going your way? You might have even called them the ‘happy dance.’ The sweet and salty taste of the chicken, the relaxation of muscles from the massage a few hours before, and the steep discount deals I’d gotten at Target all culminated in one big expression of joy (and dopamine) from my body. However, it didn’t stop with the wiggles.

The corners of my mouth turned upward, stretching from ear to ear. As my body bounced up and down on my seat I realized that the wiggles had shifted into something with more structure: a dance. For it dawned on me that in my mind the entire time I’d been moving, I’d also been playing ‘Everybody’ by the Backstreet Boys in my head.

‘Man’ I thought with a bit of disappointment. ‘Wish I could hear that song.’

Suddenly, the strangest clarity arose: I can listen to that song. I just so happen to be an adult who gets to choose what she wants to do, and today I choose to listen to the Backstreet Boys while I eat my lunch.

Thus, I grabbed my phone, opened Spotify, and played the Backstreet Boys. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before, eating while enjoying music. Maybe I thought it rude or inappropriate? Maybe it had just been habit to eat without. Nevertheless, I ate my meal in utter delight while bopping along to the songs of my childhood. Fried chicken, beignets, & late nineties pop music is all it took to bring both myself and my inner child into a deep state of peace and gratitude.

The lesson was to indulge that inner child every now and then. To flirt with the unknown, to act on impulse, to live carefree in the moment is sometimes what it means to truly live. The inner child is wise beyond her years. She longs for nothing more than a little bit of acknowledgement, care, and play. Ask yourself, what could I do to facilitate even a sliver of play today?