Marriage Story: A Tale of True Potato-laced Intimacy

Marriage Story: A Tale of True Potato-laced Intimacy

“It might be a good time for intimacy,” the tired but otherwise content wife and mother thought to herself as she sauntered into the kitchen.

Her husband lingered in the hallway, sunlight glistening on his dewy skin. As her eyes scanned him nonchalantly from top to bottom, it happened. The bubbling feeling of desire faded as it was slowly replaced by something else, something insidious…

Wearing seafoam green Crocs, off-brand cobalt blue shorts, a plain, stained maroon t-shirt, and a camoflauge ball cap, her husband stood crunching on a stack of ‘Rotisserie Chicken’ flavored Pringles. 

“Have you seen my headphones?” he mumbled through a mouthful of fried rosemary potato product.

She paused, mainly because she was utterly (and this is very rare) speechless. 

“They’re on your head,” she replied through a deep sigh, reminding herself how the old saying goes, that you can take the man out of the Midwest, but you can’t take the Midwest out of the man. 

“Ah, yep, you’re right,” he replied with a laugh as he reached up to confirm that his headphones were, indeed, clinging to his head. She giggled in response.

An amusing little exchange between myself and my husband this weekend, the moment didn’t go quite as planned for either of us. I, a little too tired and a little disillusioned by my own expectations, and he a little oblivious and just being his lovely, forgetful self. However, the encounter lifted our spirits as we lovingly embraced, then poked fun at my husband’s questionable fashion and food choices before we each went back to our obligatory domestic tasks. It’s a short exchange that I’ve entitled, A Marriage Story, as it’s the story many of us experience as partners and parents half-way through raising our brood, all while working tirelessly to make a home, support our partners, and contribute to the family’s financial well-being. The end of the day often comes as quickly as the beginning, eventually with each blurring into the next. Seemingly ordinary moments of connection, this is how lasting intimacy is produced – through consistentinteractions that compound, creating a space of warmth and closeness between partners. 

Most couples raising children together don’t have time for the traditional ideas of cookie-cutter romance such as the getaways for two where the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign dangles from the door handle for days. True intimate, loving moments arrive in a variety of packages. Few are wrapped to perfection in shiny golden paper with glittering, silk ribbon bows.Others are wrapped in plain, cheaper paper topped with store-bought bows from a value bag. Even still, other moments are wrapped in once damp, crinkled newspaper with no bow and a name scribbled messily in Sharpie on top to attempt to differentiate the gift from garbage. Grand or subtle, these moments are the gestures in every day life that might go unintentionally unappreciated, should we not make the effort to notice. 

Whisking each other away for frequent intimate weekend getaways or grand excursions just isn’t something my partner and I have the ability to do and I suspect we are far from the only ones. Our only opportunities to build intimacy encompass relishing in the little things. Savoring the saucy smiles from across the room, enjoying the couch cuddles while watching Bake-off, and reveling in the pure joy of taking turns boisterously shouting random movie quotes throughout the house are the ways in which we create intimacy in our marriage. Our individual expressions of gratitude for one another at the end of each night solidifies our bond and reminds us that we don’t need a fancy setup to experience success. All we need is healthy intimacy, gratitude, play, love, and of course, a stack of rotisserie chicken flavored Pringles.