A Note About Red Flags

The internet is doing its thing again; a fad gains steam and everyone participates, and this time, it’s been the red flag challenge. People take a statement and put little red flag emojis after it to let people know that this statement is something they consider to be a ‘red flag’. Fine, okay, but let’s talk about where red flags originate.

Red flags originate from one place: trauma. People, in general, do not grow up to be evil, nor are people inherently bad. Rather, environments influence people and the way they grow, eventually sculpting them into who they are today. No one avoids having red flags.

I repeat, no one escapes the burden of bearing a red flag. Every human alive experiences and perpetuates red flag behaviors because all of us experience some level of trauma throughout our childhoods. Those who cultivate self-awareness and practice introspection tend to resolve or work on these red flags. People who do not know how to become self-aware or have a deficit or barrier in knowing themselves often carry these red flag behaviors for many years, or even for a lifetime.

In essence, where there are red flags there is unhealed trauma. Where there are red flags, there are treacherous wounds. Where there are red flags, work is waiting to be done.

Non-judgement enables us to approach all of our fellow beings with compassion when we understand the reasons behind red flag behaviors. Though it’s our responsibility to heal, it’s also our responsibility to show compassion to others. Holding others accountable for their red flag actions is equally important. Boundaries should also absolutely be in place with people who have significant issues with unresolved trauma and red flag behaviors. Balancing ones own role in interacting with people with red flags is critical to protect oneself but also vital in attempting to aid someone else who is struggling.

In short, we all have ‘red flags’ at some point in our lives. Each of us has trauma we must deconstruct, sometimes for a lifetime. To support one another on this journey, we must:

1) Live with compassion.

2) Hold ourselves and others accountable for actions.

3) Implement boundaries when others attempt to cross our lines.

4) Be patient and try again - we’re all human.

Love is easy and love is simultaneously hard. Above all, love is kind. Kindness in loving sometimes means staying by someone’s side, and other times it means taking a break or walking away entirely. Before condemning those who harbor red flags, first consider if you are carrying any of your own.